How to hide the fact you're a secret stoner

Marijuana is going more mainstream, but there are still some environments where being seen as a “stoner” is likely to be frowned on at best and at worst could get you into trouble, potentially big trouble.  Frankly the best advice we can give is to avoid using your weed when you’re in these environments or know that there’s a decent chance you may be called into them, or, as an absolute minimum, pay attention to what strains are recommended for daytime use and which are best kept for night time.  While we’d suggest that during the day you stay away from the most potent strains in terms of  THC, if you must go for one, we’d say THC from sativa varieties is likely to be less of an issue than indica in the daytime because it will leave you energized and active.  Having said all that, we’re big fans of being prepared with a plan B for any situation so here are some tips on keeping it secret that you’re a stoner.

Discretion 

Marijuana edibles (and indeed marijuana topicals) may take a bit of getting used to before you can confidently judge your dosage and work out how best to deliver fast-acting pain relief if you have a condition which calls for it, but if you can make it work, then they are arguably the most discreet way to consume marijuana if only because they are odour free.  If neither of these work for you, we’d suggest that you use a vaporizer for your weed since it’s a bit less obvious than a joint, particularly given that eliquids for smokers come in all kinds of flavours, including, ironically, marijuana.  You’ll still have some element of smell to deal with though.

The stoner scent

If you grow your own marijuana, you’ll probably be well aware of the importance of odour control when it comes to keeping on good terms with your nearest and dearest but as a user you may not realize how much of a smell your weed can give of and to be fair it’s unreasonable of either marijuana or tobacco smokers to foist their odours on other people.  With this in mind, we’d suggest a can of deodorant since it  works on clothes, skin and hair and also some breath mints.  If you’re having the in-laws over to your house (or some such similar situation), then invest in some fabric freshner and blitz your household fabrics (upholstery, carpet and curtains).

Disguise

The reason marijuana is a great glaucoma treatment is that it decreases the blood pressure in the inner eye, thus relieving the pain of glaucoma.  The flip side of this is that in so doing it causes the blood vessels to expand, thereby causing the eyes to appear bloodshot.  Depending on the situation, this may be taken as a sign of a hangover, unless of course, you smell of weed, hence our comments above.  If you can get away with it, then a pair of sunglasses is probably the best solution, but the fact that sunglasses can conceal a multitude of sins is well known so we suggest you keep some eye drops handy as well.  Go easy on how much of them you use and how often otherwise they may lose their effect.  While we’re big fans of honest, we would comment that red eyes are also a symptom of allergies and if you’ve already mentioned to people that you have one, you may be in line for sympathy (unless of course you smell of marijuana).

Occupy yourself

If you’re on a high you’re going to need an outlet for your energy so be prepared with a toy which keeps your hands occupied and, again, it may help if people see you using it regularly.  Something like a yoyo or a finger spinner will keep you occupied in an acceptable way.  Stoners are often advised to try to stay still, but frankly this can be easier said than done.  If you can pull it off, great, otherwise we think that a toy or game to keep your hands occupied could be a good investment.

 

Try to act normally

Stoners are often advised to say and do as little as possible and again that’s fine in theory, but may be less feasible in practice.  If you’re old enough to use marijuana then you’re old enough to have an idea of what type of person you are usually, e.g. are you chatty or not?  Try to stay as close as possible to your normal type of behaviour.

Leave a Comment